Loneliness in your own mind why are we like this a never ending process of self doubt and despair. Never to be compatible with social construct, a constant fight of depression and dark thoughts against yourself. There are no holidays from yourself and the damage that other people conflict. Found myself Easily used for the will of other people. Attracting the dominant never fitting into any relationship. Never finding it easy to make friends and for the most comfortable to live without as this is less complicated.
There is no independence constantly fatigued with the side effects of medication that does not end. Taking medication just to live with people around me always aware of relapses and this means, psychosis and the need for hospitalisation. Personally I have a good recover rate but many don’t. The lowest days thoughts of suicide are constant I believe this is the most selfish thing a person could do but there is no way to avoid contemplating it.
Therapy though writing and creating art work makes the biggest difference but it is really difficult To be recognised in these fields I love photography to mostly avoid taking images of people, I have been pushing myself on this aspect. Start with self portraits then get people involved when you grasp the best of your camera.
Computers are a God send to express yourself more freely to get lost in ideas other than watching television being brainwashed. My first computer was a scheme Lenored Cheshire promoted. I created a office space where I was most comfortable, started teaching myself web design this took me to different worlds in my mind elevating stress. My advice to anyone is to buy a nice notebook and a expensive pen even just to doodle with odd words this will carry you forward. The saying goes if you put your problems into words that’s half the battle. And this is true also to help other people the more public you are the more elevation, At first networking scared the hell out of me but don’t be afraid to express yourself just be kind at heart.
There is to much injustice in this world don’t be part of it we all have the dream of winning the lottery buying land and building houses for all our family to live as a community or is that just me? In your darkest moments you cannot see or feel the love for you. It is almost impossible but people do care. Psychiatric nurses and psychiatrists are there to help do not fight them, you are unique and a very special person and I would know that you are.
~ Nicholas Leslie ~